Do you have a guardian angel?

Do you believe in angels? I do. I always have. When I was younger and probably all the way up until my son was born five years ago I imagined a guardian angel having big white wings and glowing with light. Now I know angels are everywhere and come in many different forms.  It could be the way someone says something, the way a stranger looks at you as if they know you or something about you, or bumping into someone you haven’t seen in ages and they remind you of who you could be. The list is truly endless. I feel they are there to give us gentle reminders of what were capable of. Growing up my mom always taught me how guardian angels work with you in your life and they don’t always have wings and fly.

A moment I feel compelled to tell you about, just one of many experiences I have had with guardian angels, is when I was sitting in the hospital after my son was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Jimmy was receiving his first chemotherapy treatment at four months old. I was a mess. I thought all was lost. My phone buzzed right at that moment and there it was, a link from my cousin Buzzy. It was a story of a little baby boy who survived the worst kind of brain tumor, a stage four medulloblastoma.  He didn’t just survive, the tumor completely disappeared. He was truly a miracle.  That was all I needed in that moment, one little spark of hope was all it took and my whole view changed. I just needed reminded.

If you think about it, it took a great bit of courage and kindness for my cousin to find and send me that story. He didn’t have to, he could have reasoned himself right out of it at any moment saying he didn’t want to bother me at such a difficult time. Instead he pushed send and it changed my entire course and how I thought about everything from that moment forward. He reminded me of who I was and what I was capable of. The impossible was possible, I always believed that, he acted as my guardian angel that day and reminded me. If you’re thinking of sending encouraging words to someone who may need them, don’t hesitate. Sometimes it crosses my mind, what if he never sent that story? Would I have had any hope to hold onto?

The second time Buzzy acted as my guardian angel was when I was struggling with my story and who I was. I wanted to tell the world of my story, of Jimmy’s journey and how I saw it. I knew it would help people, but I couldn’t get my head around the way I wanted to tell the world about it. I thought of writing a book, I have 15 chapters done and I’m still working on it. I freeze up right in the middle of it all because I have to relive it and it was very painful. As I am telling Buzzy this as he was visiting for the holidays, he says, “write one good book, that’s all you need.” Then this look came over him and he said, “why don’t you start with a blog, it will help you work everything out in your head while you working on your book.” I dismissed the notion at first because I didn’t know how to write a blog. Buzzy said, “you don’t know how to write a blog, but your figuring out how to write a book. Figure out how to write a blog Lace. Buy a book on storytelling, and blogging. Teach yourself and learn.”

Yes I do realize how simple that sounds, but I couldn’t figure that out on my own, frustrated in my thought. He took the time to listen not to respond, but to understand me. He didn’t have to, there was family every where, a football game on, and our kids pulling at us to come play. He still listened. More importantly he believed in me. Again I needed reminded of who I was and what I was capable of. I was reminded that day thanks to him.

We all need reminded of who we are. I always need reminded, I’m human. When we face challenges or ask why people are the way they are we lose ourselves in frustration, anger or what ever emotion takes over. I knew not to ask why that day, it is out of my capacity as a human to understand why any child gets sick or passes away. God only knows why that occurs. I was angry though, my beautiful baby boy was sick and I had to decide in that moment who I was to become. Knowing who I was in that moment, remembering I believe in the impossible being possible, turned me into exactly who I am now. Jimmy is 5 1/2 now and in Kindergarten. And me, well I know without a doubt that the impossible is in fact possible, I live with a miracle.

Sometimes I believe we can be guardian angels to other people. At times we feel compelled to write someone or do a kind deed for no other reason other than it felt right in the moment as if some higher power took us over. Call it what you will, but choosing to be kind for no personal gain is quite powerful. You do it because that’s who you are. One act of kindness can ripple to endless amounts of people. My cousin, Buzzy sending me that link to that story changed my entire perspective in my darkest moments. I needed that story more than anything in that moment. That sound advice he gave me and more so the look he gave me, as if I was capable of anything I put my mind to, was so profound to me as simple as it was. Its propelled me forward to now. That one kind deed is still rippling today, almost 6 years later as I write to you. That sound advice he gave me is the reason your reading this blog right now. He believed in me and I saw it in his eyes. Now its my turn to push send, or publish for that matter.

I wish to inspire you because that is who I have become. My experiences, what I have witnessed is worth telling you about. My hope is that one sentence or one word I write to you sparks something in you when you need. I hope you listen to understand, not to respond and believe in someone enough to spark them to greatness.

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