“You Were Born to do this”…Push

This is where “You Were Born to Do This” was born…

Our events in our lives somewhat prepare us for our future if we pay attention, learn and grow as much as we can in the circumstance.  Sometimes our experiences can help us navigate even the roughest of storms.

I can not tell you who you are or what you were born to do, only you can answer that. However, I can show you how I am figuring that out for myself.

I will begin with the first time I ever heard those words, “You were born to do this…”

Having a baby is a life-changing experience, to put it lightly. You’re exposed and not just in the physical sense where your rear-end is hanging out of a hospital gown. All of you is exposed, your inner workings, your insecurities and your vulnerabilities. Questions like, will I be able to do this cross your mind?  Will I be able to take the pain?  Can I really produce milk, really, and its going to come out of my nipples? I really hope they work.  What will I feel when they put the baby in my arms? Will I be a good mother? All of those questions and about a million more ran through my mind driving to the hospital after my water broke two weeks after my due date.

I looked at my husband Jim, we were going into the 13th hour of labor, he had an anxious, slightly concerned look on his face. I was resting pretty easy, the epidural was helping. Then I felt a pressure unlike any other sensation I have ever felt. I finally got why they called it an indescribable feeling cause that’s exactly what it is. A ton of alarms go off in your whole body saying, “something is happening.”
There were doctors, nurses, interns, research study workers all in and out of the room at a constant rate asking questions and checking the monitors. I tried to gather myself in that moment feeling that kind of pressure physically and mentally, I was scared out of my mind. I asked the doctor, “what do I do now?” She said in this calm, serene voice, “listen to your body, were going to follow your cues.” In my head I kind of panicked in that moment saying, “Oh my gosh this is all on me, what if I mess it up, can I mess it up?” I caught myself laughing a bit and said, “you got this Lace, focus.”

I closed my eyes, going inside my own head, in the quiet, feeling every sensation, every bit of pain and pressure which was coming in spurts. All eyes were on me.  I focused on my breathing, I started to move with it and I said to the doctor, “here comes a contraction.” The nurses grabbed my legs, pulled them up towards my stomach and the doctor calmly said, “now push.” I inhaled a big breath and I pushed, oh did I push. The pressure got worse and I knew I was just getting warmed up.

Twenty minutes later I started to get the hang of the whole process, the flow, the feel of the contractions coming and letting my body do the work. My confidence started to build. Closing my eyes each time finding the quiet. As I got closer I started to hear everything in the room, the nurse next to me saying you’re doing a good job, match your breathing to the contractions and push, you’re almost there.

Then out of nowhere there was a woman’s voice that I didn’t recognize yelling in a firm, stern tone, “You were born to do this!!! You were born to do this!! Push!” It immediately motivated me, I perked up, at least inside my own head and I pushed harder than ever. As I opened my eyes, the doctor caught my attention almost immediately telling me, “the baby is right there Lace, give me one more good push.” I closed my eyes again, quiet. Then all the voices came rushing in, the nurses, the doctor and then there she was again, “You were born to do this!!! You were born to do this!! Push!!” I wanted to open my eyes, I yearned to see who it was that was helping me so much, I had to concentrate though, I had to focus.  I started to turn my head towards the corner of the room where I heard the voice coming from and just as I was about to open my eyes and look my son was born.

The next thing I heard was the sound of my son crying and taking his first breath. It was beautiful. As you may have guessed all of me that was exposed, all of those crazy questions got answered. I could do it, I did handle the pain just fine, I mean it hurt, but I handled it.  I was able to breastfeed, my nipples worked! I did a little dance inside my head when that moment happened.  When they put my son in my arms it was the most intense, incredible feeling of pure love I have ever felt. At that moment I knew I was going to be a good mother. How could I not loving this little tiny baby as much as I did? We named him Jimmy.
After everything settled and the room got quiet, the sound of that woman’s voice and those words came rushing back into my head as clear as day. I turned towards my husband and said, “did you hear that woman’s voice yelling, “You were born to do this?” He paused for a moment, looking thoughtful and said, “actually yeah I did hear that, who was that?” I smiled and said, “I don’t know, didn’t you see her? I felt like she was coming from over there,” pointing to the left corner of the room. He said smiling with a sarcastic grin, “no I didn’t see her Lacie , I was a little distracted. I just heard her voice.”  When the nurse came back into the room I asked her if she heard it, pausing a moment searching through her memory she said, “no I didn’t hear her.”  It was funny because in that moment she sounded so loud, like everyone turn and see where the loud voice is coming from. Everyone in the room should have heard her, the room wasn’t that big.  Jim and I are the only ones that heard her though.  Neither of us saw her and still to this day I think of her as a guardian angel looking out for me.

Words are powerful, some can stay with you your whole life and pop into your mind just when you need to hear them the most. Those words, “You were born to do this,” they will always be with me. Every time I go through anything hard, challenging, or impossible or when I need motivated to change my life for the better I hear those words echoing in the back of my head, in the quiet, “You were born to do this!! You were born to do this!!! Push!”

Four months later Jimmy, born a perfectly healthy baby boy, was diagnosed with an Optic Pathway Glioma Brain Tumor. In those moments finding out that news, I understood why those words resonated with me so. At that moment when Jimmy was diagnosed, guess what I heard in the back of my head?

Over the next 6 years, I would need those words more than I ever could have imagined. I still need them and I still hear them to this day.

My hope for you, when your facing a challenge those words motivate you, I hope they come rushing into the quiet just when you need them the most…

You were born to do this…You were born to do this…Push!

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